New Revelations

I just arrived home to Lusaka this evening from Lake Kariba at Kafue National Park. It was a lovely weekend. I watched sunrise and sunset in the Zambian wilderness, napped twice a day in the shade on top of the boat, read a fantastic book, swam in the lake, and didn't get eaten. The houseboat was beautiful. All our meals were prepared and our dishes washed. We had beds made up for us each night with mosquito nets, and we had clean bathrooms and showers. I went in the water during the afternoon both days, but only when others were in, and only when we were in the middle of the lake. It really was a wild feeling, knowing that 5-6 meter crocodiles swim along the shore and eat the locals. It's sickening. Our guides were very careful about how deep the water was where we went in, and before we went wakeboarding they would ride the motorboat around the houseboat several times to "scare away the crocs"! The first night after dinner we watched this amazing lightning storm that went on for hours, lighting up the sky across the lake. It really was a relaxing day. The second night there was a full moon, and we watched the moon rise over the hills, and the hippos paddle gently across the lake edge like giant ballerinas. We road back this afternoon dripping with sweat and crammed into cars, darting baboons, and goats and cows and locals selling turtles along the road. Kevin and his dad were in the market for a pet, so they picked up two African turtles along the way. They have no names yet, but they are living rather well in the backyard. This trip was planned for Robb's team to relax after all their hard work on a project, so Kevin and I are lucky that two spots opened up so we could go. I am very glad for the experience. Just riding through Africa by car is an amazing experience. The tin roofed homes, crowded community hospitals, straw huts, fruit stands, children along the road in school uniforms, women carrying water and bricks and food atop their heads, the men and women working in the fields under the unforgiving sun; it's beyond words. Impossible to capture with a picture.

It feels great to be back in Lusaka. There is really nothing as nice as the simple joy of being home and showered with clean clothes and good food. I am very grateful this evening. Just rebooked my ticket to head home a week early. Lots to do at home, and it feels right to leave a little early. I know my travels here are not done. Feels good to have finally made a decision, and feels good that I am able to accept myself for making the decision I wanted to make. I think that's what makes it hard; being upset with yourself for the decision you want to make. Saying, "Come on Lauren, I want you to WANT this other thing. Come on, want it." Feels much better to just accept myself, and accept that I want to toss some money away. I do it all the time back home. Everyone does, and throwing it out is throwing it to someone else, so it must all be a part of a bigger plan. No point getting angry at yourself for that. Been talking with Kevin tonight about infinity and choice and karma and things. Big reminder that this world is a temporary home. Just find a nice warm bed and a fun job and someone you enjoy being yourself with and chill out. This could be fun. So that's my latest revelation.

Another beautiful storm tonight. There's nowhere that you appreciate the rain more than in Africa. It's such a gift, a relief from the sun and the heat, and it is never a disappointment. You become so used to accepting and embracing the moment for whatever it brings here. So much is unpleasant that anything pleasant is celebrated, and since such little is planned, very little is ruined, and there's more room for spontaneity and never ending serendipity.

Working at Chreso tomorrow so I'm off to bed. We'll see what new things tomorrow brings.