Exciting BodyTalk News

This evening Robb picked me up from Chreso with great news. Esther, the wife of the co-founder of Chreso approached him at the meeting they had this afternoon and told Robb how great it has been having me at Chreso. She was worried what they would do when I left. Couldn't I stay longer? I can't remember the exact words, but she believed that what I was doing was a major asset at Chreso that was benefiting both the staff and patients immensely. She wanted to know if it was possible for someone to learn what I was doing so it could continue to be implemented at Chreso when I'm gone!!! Isn't that wild? Robb told me it was the first time Esther had ever liked something he had introduced at Chreso. I'm ecstatic. Absolutely thrilled. Robb asked if this was possible, and I told him. "Of course!" Isn't that exciting!!! BodyTalk Access might become a regular part of Chreso clinic in Lusaka!! I'm speechless. Esther is a very stoic woman, and when I spoke with her for a moment the other day, I gave her an update on the reactions I was witnessing from the work, and she said, "Well it's all psychosomatic". It felt like a brushoff and a dismissal of what I was doing as nothing more than a placebo, but I didn't care, because I'm used to people thinking that, and everything is a placebo anyway, and she wasn't the type I thought would get it anyway. So I say all that to say I was very surprised at Robb's story. Can you believe it?

Anyway I'm very grateful and excited. Now I just want to oversee the integration of BodyTalk Access into every clinic and hospital in the world!!! And I won't be satisfied until I have. Just imagine how it would reform healthcare if patients were healing faster, discharged sooner, using less medication, and less likely to return with aches and pains and head colds months later. It would be great! Besides training the nursing staff I want to get full time BodyTalk Practitioners on staff at medical facilities. Besides being underutilized for my skills in helping people, I know so many others who are underutilized as well! Men and women who know they were born to do this work, but can't make any money at it. This must change!!! I want to find them jobs too! What a lovely world it would be when you went to see the doctor and felt assured by their knowledge, but also touched, nurtured, seen and healed. Makes me think of all my trips to the doctor's office over the years, and especially the ones when I was really sick and unhappy. Sometimes I would cry and cry in their offices, but their prescriptions could not heal the pain deep down manifesting as annual bronchitis and back spasms. If they had hugged me for a long time, maybe it would have helped. Maybe that should be implemented at hospitals; long, caring hugs when you need them. At my HeartTouch training they taught us that when you hold a hug for at least 15 seconds the brain starts to produce oxytocin, a drug that makes you feel well. Do you think I could find a job as a professional hugger? I think if someone really recognized the benefits of meeting human need when patients are unwell and seeking help at a clinic, they would see that it does not cost the clinic more, it costs them the same, if not less. When women hire a doula, they don't see it as an additional cost, because they know the presence of the doula will lower their chances of having numerous interventions including a costly cesarean, and they know the cost evens out, as well as enhances the overall experience for them by making them feel nurtured and cared for. This reform must absolutely happen! If only I knew where to begin. "Hello. Hi, I'm calling to talk to you about a job. No this position doesn't exist yet. I'd like you to pay me to wander around the hospital and love people." Does that sound about right? Need I say more. Anyway, I'm just dreaming away. I'm sure I'll be awakened soon by cold, harsh reality. And I know not everyone needs a hug, some people just need their Cortices tapped out and a pat on the back. Good thing I'm coming home in six days because I need both. Goodnight everyone.

The Latest

Lovely day today. Worked at Chreso clinic again. It's been an incredibly fascinating experience. I've been reading this book on cancer by Andreas Mortiz and I'm really starting to understand how the metabolic processes get shut down in the body, and how the cells respond when there's poor nutrition, no oxygen and loads of toxins present. Maybe it was this new understanding that helped generate such an intense response from the patients. Last week when I was doing the Access techniques, several of the patients started sweating profusely. It wasn't hot out, and if anyone should have been sweating it should have been me, because I was doing all the work! They would really start sweating during Hydration, and then during Body Chemistry these smells would poor out of them that were so strong I had to turn my head away. One woman's face was completely numb afterwards and her eyes were twitching. Today I worked on a woman who had burns on her breasts because her 21 year old daughter was angry and poured burning hot porridge on her. She told me the story with her eyes turned downwards towards the floor. Later I saw her twice in the waiting room and she looked me right in the eyes and smiled. I followed up with a staff member at Chreso today who healed nearly instantly from a sore throat and a cough with blood last week. We did some Access, and then she helped me plan an Access class this Saturday at Chreso. I confirmed it with Fred the programs director, and the class will be announced at the meeting tomorrow morning. I'm really looking forward to it! So many staff members have shown interest in learning the techniques, so we'll see who shows up at the class. Oddly enough, Saturday is World AIDS Day, so the timing couldn't be better. All the staff will go to the building next door after the class at 13 hours for the AIDS education events and the candlelight vigil. How neat that I get to teach Access on World AIDS Day. I couldn't be happier with how it has all turned out. I will be contacting two local orphanages tomorrow to sort out bringing Access there, and then I leave on Tuesday.

I'm so excited to go home, but also saddened. It hit me that I'm leaving tonight when I realized I won't get to see Tuesday market again. It was so beautiful. The female vendors shouting "Madam, potatoes", squatted next to piles of vegetables in the dirt. Children munching on stalks of corn and tiny babies hanging off large black breasts while their mothers cleaned vegetables. Young boys carrying baskets of produce for whites, Asians, Arabs and Indians all mingled together. Young women with only their eyes revealed behind long, black cloaks, purchasing tomatoes next to aged Indian women wrapped in white linen with exposed midrifs.

It's no wonder so many people want to live here. At first I couldn't understand it. Besides the safaris, gas and imported specialty items everything is so cheap. Everyone has a maid or two who prepare their meals, do the dishes, clean the house, manage the laundry, care for their children and their property. After work, they can just sit around like kings and enjoy the day. And in the cities and the rural areas, their needs are met, they have running water and electricity, and everything is provided. No wonder. Tonight at dinner Robb told me that after 2009 the US is doubling what it is now giving to the AIDS epidemic. 30 billion dollars will go to Asia, Africa, and other epidemic sites. Robb said the goal is to replace all international workers with local people, and at the rate that they are doing it, he'll be out of a job very soon, and will have to move to a more dangerous, or rural area to stay in Africa. Interesting how quickly it will all change. I wonder what I'll be doing in 2009. 2008 is just around the corner.

I had another moment today, where the air was knocked out of me and I realized, my god I'm in Africa. Who knows if I'll make it back this lifetime, who knows where life will take me, or why I'm here in this moment. What am I doing in Africa? Why does this feel like home? When I just let the images fly through my brain, it's almost too much. All the colors and the smells. And the sweet, sweet children. We learned yesterday that there was a huge fire in Macha. The restaurant and the radio station and the school and gift shop all burned to the ground. Many things were rescued though. The fire began in the radio station and with no fire department to stop it, it burned as it pleased. Gertain sent us pictures online, and we watched with open mouths and gasps. It was all gone. What was there last week, is gone today. All that is left are the pictures I took. Unbelieveable, isn't it? It's like a hole inside of me, a missing piece. Where did it go? Perhaps it was meant to burn; the end of a chapter in Macha. At least the community center is okay. And really, who knows what will rise up from the ashes. Who knows what tomorrow holds for Macha or for Africa.

New Revelations

I just arrived home to Lusaka this evening from Lake Kariba at Kafue National Park. It was a lovely weekend. I watched sunrise and sunset in the Zambian wilderness, napped twice a day in the shade on top of the boat, read a fantastic book, swam in the lake, and didn't get eaten. The houseboat was beautiful. All our meals were prepared and our dishes washed. We had beds made up for us each night with mosquito nets, and we had clean bathrooms and showers. I went in the water during the afternoon both days, but only when others were in, and only when we were in the middle of the lake. It really was a wild feeling, knowing that 5-6 meter crocodiles swim along the shore and eat the locals. It's sickening. Our guides were very careful about how deep the water was where we went in, and before we went wakeboarding they would ride the motorboat around the houseboat several times to "scare away the crocs"! The first night after dinner we watched this amazing lightning storm that went on for hours, lighting up the sky across the lake. It really was a relaxing day. The second night there was a full moon, and we watched the moon rise over the hills, and the hippos paddle gently across the lake edge like giant ballerinas. We road back this afternoon dripping with sweat and crammed into cars, darting baboons, and goats and cows and locals selling turtles along the road. Kevin and his dad were in the market for a pet, so they picked up two African turtles along the way. They have no names yet, but they are living rather well in the backyard. This trip was planned for Robb's team to relax after all their hard work on a project, so Kevin and I are lucky that two spots opened up so we could go. I am very glad for the experience. Just riding through Africa by car is an amazing experience. The tin roofed homes, crowded community hospitals, straw huts, fruit stands, children along the road in school uniforms, women carrying water and bricks and food atop their heads, the men and women working in the fields under the unforgiving sun; it's beyond words. Impossible to capture with a picture.

It feels great to be back in Lusaka. There is really nothing as nice as the simple joy of being home and showered with clean clothes and good food. I am very grateful this evening. Just rebooked my ticket to head home a week early. Lots to do at home, and it feels right to leave a little early. I know my travels here are not done. Feels good to have finally made a decision, and feels good that I am able to accept myself for making the decision I wanted to make. I think that's what makes it hard; being upset with yourself for the decision you want to make. Saying, "Come on Lauren, I want you to WANT this other thing. Come on, want it." Feels much better to just accept myself, and accept that I want to toss some money away. I do it all the time back home. Everyone does, and throwing it out is throwing it to someone else, so it must all be a part of a bigger plan. No point getting angry at yourself for that. Been talking with Kevin tonight about infinity and choice and karma and things. Big reminder that this world is a temporary home. Just find a nice warm bed and a fun job and someone you enjoy being yourself with and chill out. This could be fun. So that's my latest revelation.

Another beautiful storm tonight. There's nowhere that you appreciate the rain more than in Africa. It's such a gift, a relief from the sun and the heat, and it is never a disappointment. You become so used to accepting and embracing the moment for whatever it brings here. So much is unpleasant that anything pleasant is celebrated, and since such little is planned, very little is ruined, and there's more room for spontaneity and never ending serendipity.

Working at Chreso tomorrow so I'm off to bed. We'll see what new things tomorrow brings.

Swimming with Crocodiles

If I don't make it back alive, this is my last goodbye. We're leaving for a houseboat trip on a lake in Zambia this morning; a lake that has crocodiles and hippos in it!! I'll be out on a lake for three days with a bunch of doctors and their spouses and children. Should be an adventure, as long as I don't get eaten.

Thanksgiving last night was great. Thirty of us out by the pool with two huge turkeys and lots of flys. We didn't eat the flys, but we did eat the turkey. I had a few ants with my pie; the Zambians say it's good for digestion. The weather was gorgeous. Everything is blooming and green now that the rain came.

Talk soon!

Chreso Clinic

After all these weeks I made it to Chreso clinic, an HIV/AIDS clinic in Lusaka. I met with all the doctors and the program director and one of the founders in the morning. Robb, Kevin's dad introduced me, and because he's a doctor (and not just any doctor, he's been working with HIV since the 80s and is very respected and published) they listened to him! They gave me my own room to see patients in and they would send referral patients in before they'd give them their prescriptions. It was awesome!! If only I could do this in the States! My first client had lower leg pain, and after the Access techniques and Fast Aid I said, "How is the leg pain?" he froze and looked at me shocked, "It's gone" he said surprised. My next patient had pain in the upper legs and a headache. After 4 of the techniques his headache was gone, and the leg pain was greatly diminished when I was done. He was a bit older. I worked on 15-20 people for 20 minutes or so. I also worked on one of the doctors and we did some BodyTalk as well as Access. It was a really fascinating day. Stressed out staff said they didn't feel stressed anymore, a patient laughed when they realized their throat pain (also coughing up blood) was gone, breathe cycles opened up, and people shared little bits about their lives that were so touching; no friends for 10 years, pregnant outside of marriage, worried about decisions. Fun to see so many patients, and fun to get nothing but good, if not miraculous feedback. Can't think of a better way to spend the day than taking away pain, relieving stress and making life better. Back at Kevin and Robb's home now. Making rolls for tomorrow. Thanksgiving in Africa. Who would have thought? Working at Chreso again in the morning. Fun to know that every brain I balance makes a different in Africa. Now I can go home and feel complete satisfaction.

The African Worldview

I just finished reading "A Letter to Africa About Africa" by Kasongo Munza.

He was raised as the son of the chief of the Lubu tribe in the D.R. Congo, but attended "white man's school" and much later became a pastor.

Most of the book is him sharing his religious views, so I will share with you the really helpful part in understanding why Africa has the issues that it does. It's very interesting. Everything not in parenthesis below is from this book.

Definition of Worldview- "A comprehensive, especially personal, philosophy or conception of the world and of human life." Compared to colored glasses. . .[through which we view the world]. Cultures are a result of their respective worldviews. Worldviews help the individual deal with life within his culture. A worldview governs society at a subconscious level even more powerfully than laws and legislation. It is the reason behind conscience. Worldview can be likened to a culture's immune system. It enables a culture to determine what is harmful and what is beneficial, and it protects the society from the harmful.

(BodyTalkers isn't this an interesting statement. This is the only time he says it in the book, but I think he's right on. I don't think he realizes how profound that statement is. He's showing us, like all the emerging evidence we read about, that belief systems in the subconscious mind govern our bodies. Our "views of the world" determine not only our actions, but our health. And the beliefs about what's "beneficial" and what is "harmful" in the environment make up the immune system. Interesting when you remember that the people of Africa have some of the most compromised immune systems in the world. Their worldview has compromised their immune systems in a different way than ours. For example, in America we are crippled by allergies and food intolerances, which are almost non-existent there. We have a different worldview and different problems that go with it. We wear different colored lenses.)

A. Life is cyclical

1. Half of life is visible, and the other half invisible and mysterious.
2. There are two spheres of existence- one is physical and the other is spiritual.
3. There are two temporary places- the womb and this world.
4. There is one place of residence- the after life or spirit life.

B. There are two gates to transition between the two spheres: the womb and death. The understanding of two gates leads to may rites and rituals dealing with both gates.

1. At the first gate, pregnancy and birth:
a. Dietary taboos.
b. "Kuputa dimi" which literally means "to cover the pregnancy". No one talks about it until after the ceremony at four months.
c. Sterility and impotency are curses because the gate is closed.

2. Death- rituals determined by status and manner of death.
a. Status types: ordinary person, king, chief, twin, fool, childless person, leper or epileptic.
b. Manner of death requiring special rituals: suicide, pregnant woman, baby dying in childbirth, miscarriage.

C. Because of these beliefs, the logical conclusion is that there is reincarnation.

1. Every birth is someone coming back.
2. That is why there are no family names; they use the same name as the person being reincarnated.
3. The means of determining who is being reincarnated are usually dreams and visions by family members during the pregnancy.
4. When dreams and visions do not show clearly the right identity of the one being reincarnated, people consult the diviners.

D. In our world there is interaction between the two spheres of existence- spiritual and physical.

1. The spiritual beings possess omnipotence, omnipresence, and omniscience.
2. They physical beings depend and are subject to the spiritual beings.
3. The spiritual beings are the source of everything good or evil that happens in the physical sphere. i.e. health, disease, accidents, fertility, sterility, blessings, curses, success or failure.

E. There is intercommunication between the two spheres the main means being dreams, visions, and signs.

1. Dreams, visions, signs and mediums are a means for the spiritual to communicate with the physical.
2. Invocation, sacrifices, prayers, and consultation with the mediums/diviners are the acts of the physical communicating with the spiritual.
3. There are good mediums who intervene on behalf of the humans: Diviners, Healers, Priests.
4. There are evil mediums: Witches with the ability to communicate with evil spirits to harm humans.

F. Harmony must be maintained among the living ones and the dead ones. Everyone is required to fulfill certain responsibilities in order to maintain harmony.

1. Honor- never let a family member or spiritual being be dishonored.
2. Solidarity- assist each other in any event.
3. Sharing- property, position and benefits.
4. Preservation of ancestral heritage- land, power and traditions- they are not negotiable.

(Isn't this fascination. It's still SOOO true here. Even with modern teaching, laws and even knowledge. Especially these last four above and the part about witches. )

The Implications of thie worldview are profound. They affect all aspects of life.

Lack of Development:
The perception that this world is a musumba or a temporary place is an obstacle to development. Why build good houses and roads in a place you will only be occupying temporarily? The concept of development is almost absent. A Kiluba proverb says, "Kishiya bashiya; Kitana batana." which means, "This is how we received it; as we received it is how we have to leave it. "

Witchcraft in dealing with disease:
Fear of witchcraft distorts and and negates the benefits of science. Belief that spiritual beings are the source of everything good or bad, means that all diseases are caused by spiritual beings. Nothing is satisfactorily treated with medicine, because they KNOW there is someone behind the disease who is causing it. And because someone is causing it, there is no personal responsibility to change things. "Nothing is my fault" "Everything that happens, happens either because someone bewitched me, or because the spirits predestined it."

Fatalism:
"Kebidi ntelo biya, bidi kwabilwa na Leza" which means, "It is not because of your skills in putting traps that you are successful, it is a gift from God." This means that you do not need to develop skills to be successful, you need to use fetishes.

The Sacredness of Ancestral Heritage:
Ancestral Heritage includes mainly land and power and traditions. These are sacred. There is NO way to accept sharing land or power with other people. Land boundaries must not be changed. It is an unforgivable sin to compromise in this area. Colonialism changed boundaries and transferred people groups. This is why Africa has the interminable conflicts and genocide that is does, because one or more tribes are occupying the same land.

Sharing Benefits with your Relatives:
They have a tradition of sharing which is good, but sharing has expanded to mean power or benefits if one has any social or political position. This is problematic for democratic elections. You can only vote for the candidate who is most closely related to you. This is why so-called African democracies are really "tribocracies". The candidate who is a member of the largest tribe wins, and then distributes benefits to his family or tribal members.

Cannibalism:
Behind cannibalism lies a strong belief that sacrificial blood contains supernatural powers. A Luba proverb states, "Wami tata kyamudile bitupu, i bwanga bwankomeshe meso." It means, "I did not eat my father for no reason. It was because of the fetish (bwanga) that I was forced to." Levels of power vary according to the type and purpose of the sacrifice. One level deals with domestic animals, another wild animals, the ultimate is human sacrifice. Levels go according to status of human, usually baby to elder, but sometimes the youngest has more sacrificial value or power. The fetishes to which these sacrifices are made are endless: invincibility, invisibility, invulnerability, luck, success in business, winning an election, winning a soccer match, winning your spouse, winning the favor of your boss. This is practiced by the non-educated, and runs deep among the most educated social classes- political leaders, students, business men, army officers and even church leaders.


(Interesting, huh. Hope you enjoyed. )

Awesome Allergy Article- a must read

https://www.bodytalksystem.com/member/downloads/Articles/TheAmygdala.pdf

Know the truth!!! It will set you free!!!

Mission Accomplished

We just returned to Kevin's home in Lusaka last night. It was a very hard ride back. The bus was overcrowded and hot as can be, and no one would open their window, because they don't like the wind. I would drift off and wake up drenched in sweat. My skin is a mess. I would wake up and eat melted chocolate and try to fall back asleep. When I finally got a window seat and opened the window really wide, the man behind me yelled at me and leaned forward and shut it. I was afraid after that, and really angry. Really angry. It was hard to feel compassion, even though I know that's what I'm supppose to do when I'm angry. The anger I felt was really strong. Maybe intuitively I knew he was stealing my videocamera from under my seat. Yes, it's gone. It's been in my hands since I got here, and I put it under my seat, rather than the seat in front of me, because the foot rest was stuck down. It felt safe. Like a chicken sitting on an egg. But he took it. And I was either fast asleep or curiously watching Africa go by outside my window. What can I do, but accept it?

The morning in Livingstone was quite nice. We checked out of JollyBoys, revisited the Falls, and went swimming in the Zambezi river just before it drops off the edge! The Falls were even bigger after the rain we got the day before. We started to take a walk across the river further, but some locals were walking back towards us and told us not to go that way, because there was a crocodile in the water. I didn't think they came that close to the edge of the Falls! Scary. I'm glad I wasn't eaten, and that I have both feet to come home with. Sometimes you forget you're in Africa, and then you stop in your tracks and think, "wow". It's like you're on another planet, with very different rules. Lettuce could kill you. Swimming in water could kill you. The animals could attack and/or eat you. The bugs are trying to kill you. Cars will run you over. You must greet everyone. Cover your legs. Superstition and witchcraft are real. Own a cat or an owl- you're a witch. People ask for money. People push. There are no lines, only clumps, and you must push your way to the front if you want food or a ticket. Bugs are food. More than one wife is okay. There are more children than grown ups. There is never urgency.

Sunday was so amazing. Mission Impossible became Mission Accomplished. I got to teach BodyTalk Access in Livingston!! It really was fantastic. Imasiku (the Pastor) picked me up just after 14 hours (even though we were suppose to be there at 14 hours. I told you, no urgency). Kevin came along. We took a cab to the Lubasi Home Trust, an orphanage in the Maramba suburb of Livingstone. www.lubasihome.org There we were greeted by Christina Mutikitela, one of the administrators. Imasiku introduced us and told her what I planned to do. I was lead into a room with 40-50 children, ages 5-10. They were all sitting at desks, and had been for almost an hour. I was introduced and I began the class. I only had an hour! The class should be 6 hours. What could I do? They just HAD to have these techniques. So I taught them Cortices, Switching, Hydration and Body Chemistry before we completely ran of time. It was so fun to watch them learning, I even turned around to see the two supervisors practicing the techniques! After learning Cortices on each other I went around the room to see how they felt. Most said they felt relaxed and they could feel their brains buzzing. One girl had a knee with stitches in it, and she told me it felt better. Another girl had a swollen foot, and she said it felt better after all four techniques were done. After the class the Pastor spoke and read scriptures to back up what I was teaching. Scriptures about caring for one another. I think he said, if we do not love each other, we do not love God. Everyone is very superstitious here, and they think everything is witchcraft. I was blown away when I realized that I could not have taught what I taught without the Pastor. No doctor would have journeyed to the orphanage with me. They're all too self righteous. But the Pastor came on a Sunday after preaching all morning. It was amazing to me that he cared that much about what I wanted to share, and that he cared that much for the children. It was amazing he understood the concept of BodyTalk!! He's a young guy, 27, I think. After he spoke the administrator thanked me and told me the children would begin practicing the techniques that night. Wow. We talked a lot about how Cortices helps with sleepless nights, and she reminded them all to use the technique when they couldn't sleep. Then I wanted to work a little extra, and tap out the reciprocals of the two girls with the injuries. I worked with them while the rest of the children performed songs and dances for us. Even a solo and a duet!! I could never sing you anything as beautiful, or paint you a picture as lovely. It was very, very special. We left and jumped in a cab. Imasiku speaks Nyanja, the local language, so he got us very good prices.

We arrived at Lushomo Trust, a home for girls escaping sexual abuse. http://danisfoundation.org/girlsprojectbrochure1.pdf Ten girls live there. The home was started by Antony, whom I had met on Friday with Imasiku. He was not there, but three of the "mothers" who care for the children were there, and they also took my class. I taught the whole class, but with less words, since two of them did not understand English fluently. It reminded me of one of Ka'imi's lectures (he's one of the acupuncturists I learned BodyTalk from). He went to Japan to teach the first BodyTalk class there, and after a 30 second sentence it took the translator five minutes to translate! He quickly had to change his lecture and say very, very little. It was a good lesson for me. What hasn't been a good lesson for me? I cry as I say this. Life is so mysterious and strange. If I hadn't taught all those dance classes to the children in Macha, I would never have been prepared to simplify concepts, and play "freeze" games, and teach them through their gigglying and distractions. If language and age were not barriers, then I never would have learned to teach so slow and with such emphasis. Pamala, I think I've finally got it.

Just as I finished the class, another thunder and lightning storm came rolling in. The Pastor said we should wait out the storm. We should have left then, because by the time we left we were slipping in the mud, searching for a cab, and laughing in the pitch dark and the dribbling rain, but fate had other plans. Kevin and I went outside under the overhanging to watch the storm and smell the rain. Several of the girls had started cooking inside, and the smoke from the coals and the exaggerated pounding of the rain on the tin roof was anything but pleasant. So loud you couldn't talk over it. Outside five of the girls joined us. I was stretching my hamstrings and the girls were watching, so I showed them how to do it. One girl (they're very protective of the confidentiality. I know her name, but can't share it), was stretching when she got a shooting pain in her ascending colon. I started doing Fast Aid on her right away, and then followed up with BodyTalk. The pain was gone and she was very pleased. Imagine what it feels like to help take away a child's pain. It's pretty incredible. Her eyes have no white in them. They are red brown all the time. The doctors told her she's allergic to copper, and she's originally from the Copper Belt, in northeastern Zambia. All of Zambia has copper, so she's basically allergic to Zambia. I'll post an article on allergies on my blog. Allergies are all trauma related. The Amygdala thinks there's a threat and the body responds accordingly. Imagine what she's endured. I worked on another really little girl, maybe 6, who had ear infections in both ears for awhile. We had done all of Access, so I started doing BodyTalk. While I was working it all drained into her nose. Very cool. For you BodyTalkers, there were Active Memory links and Lymph. The other girl had Active Memory links and Natural Cons. of the Large Intestine anchored to the Brain. Then the girls started singing. One of them is out of this world. Her voice is stunning. I wanted to take her with me. She's the one with the red brown eyes. I think I will go back for her one day. It wasn't appropriate to take any pictures, but her face is in my mind. They kept asking Kevin and I to sing. We'd sing to them and they'd listen mesmorized. They were adorable. We talked about allergies and viruses, and two of them asked me, "What if I'm positive, can it help me?" I lowered my voice to answer them. Thought carefully about my answer. You answer children differently than adults. "You're body can overcome anything." "Do what your doctor tells you, but do these techniques everyday." I couldn't tell them my real feelings about HIV. I don't think I can even say them on this blog. They're too controversial. The world is too brainwashed, by "scientific results" they think they can trust. Like the news, it's so unreliable. Who's opinion are we really hearing? Who's money is funding the research?

That night we had dinner at the only place left open on a Sunday and went back to the lodge. I tried to write, but a Swede started talking to me. He had gotten sick weeks before in Zanzibar, and after antibiotics, still didn't feel right. Not a surprise this man would be in the bunk next to me, in bed super early on a Sunday. I knew I had to tell him about BodyTalk. I told him he could spit in his belly button and hold is head and tap on his brain to feel better. He laughed and said it sounded like "Science fiction". "You're telling me" I said. But he sat up and I knew he was interested, so I told him I wouldn't watch and he could follow me and do the techniques if he wanted. I did them, and he copied me. It would have been too weird to do them on him, so I hope it worked that way. I'm sure it must have. These techniques are powerful. His friend walked in while we were doing them, and he said, "What are you, a Yoga teacher?" That was a first. "Nope. This is BodyTalk." The next morning, 12 hours later, everyone was up, but this man was still sound asleep. I'm sure his body was healing. Guess I'll never know for sure.

Waterfalls and Hippos

Absolutely beautiful day yesterday. Saw the breathtaking beauty of the Victoria Falls from Zambia, leaned over the edge of the falls taking pictures looking down, went on a lovely Victorian Ship called, of course, the African Queen up the Zambezi river and watched the hippos play alongside the boat, crossed over on a daring adventure into dangerous Zimbabwe, dodging baboons that attack women carrying fruit, and walked through the mist of the cascading falls on the magical Zimbabwe side. Walked back across the border and enjoyed a burger and ice cream while the sun set over Livingstone. Lovely day. Looking forward to tomorrow's classes.

Curious Adventures in Livingstone

Oh wow, oh wow, oh wow. What an exciting moment! The most fantastic thing happened today. Really a miracle.

I'm in Livingston! Another face of Zambia. We left Macha this morning and traveled down the bumpy road, through the bush, past fertile fields and on into the city of Choma. Discombobulated Choma. We boarded a bus for Livingstone, one of the adventure capitals of the world, known as the neighbor to the Victoria Falls, one of the natural wonders of the world. We arrived in one piece and found Jolly Boys, an exotic Indonesia meets Africa lodge with a pool and a bar and hot showers. I thought I swore off hostels, but this is a backpacker's paradise. It's so clean I could live here. Hammocks and cushions and clean beautiful rooms under straw roofs. I think we found Paradise. And tomorrow we see the Victoria Falls! The main street in Livingstone has everthing you could want, and I've never been so content to just walk down a street and stare at the goings on . Rural village and city, farmer and business owner, old fashion and new, face to face, all thrown together. It's incredible and just buzzing with life. You absolutely must visit!

After we got here and ordered a beer and lunch we jumped in the pool and then watched a massive 20 minute downpour of rain and lightning and thunder. Incredible; the beautiful mango trees waving in the wind.

I was feeling this horrible guilt this afternoon. Why am I on vacation? Who am I? Why do I get this, when there are people back in Macha sitting at the hospital eating nothing but nshima in the heat. Why do I get this beautiful life? I don't deserve a vacation. I should be home making money. Right? And it was hard to deal with the guilt, and then there's this guilt on top of the guilt because you think, "For God's sake Lauren, enjoy it, drink it in, you're here now, and you'll never know why, but you're here and this is what you have." Then the rain came and helped wash it away. I began to relax and be in my skin and appreciate the moment.

And then, oh so many wonderful things cascaded into the present, one after another, like the Falls, just pouring in. We met up with the Pastor, who I'm tired of calling the Pastor, so we'll call him by his last name, Imasiku, first name Mubuyaeta. We just learned it. Sometime you have to see it spelled out to get it. He lives and is originally from Livingstone, but he runs the church in Matcha. He happened to be home this weekend, so we planned to meet up with him for a meal or something. Little did we know how much time we'd really spend with him.

After a Fanta at a little restaurant, (we all drink Fanta here, very popular) he took us back to an accounting office he works at to introduce us to the owner, Antony. Antony left Sri Lanka 14 years ago to find a better life. He has horrible headaches, low energy levels, and digestive issues, and he was interested when Imasiku told him about BodyTalk, so Imasiku arranged for us to meet. Antony also happens to be an amazing visionary and humanitarian who has overseen the opening of an orphanage in Livingstone and a home for abused girls. Well to make a long story short, he's got a BodyTalk appointment with me in the morning, we're attending a fundraising river cruise tomorrow to support his charity that provides refuge and care to sexually abused girls, AND I'm teaching the girls Access the following day!!!! He just picked up the phone and set it up. Can you belive it? I could just cry, or scream, or do cartwheels round a hippo. I'll let you know how it goes. I'm so excited. I'm going to have to look up another word for excited, I use it so much. I'm so honored. Isn't it just magical when things come together, get handed to you, doors are opened, people trust you, your skills are used, the message on your lips that you're just dying to share is heard and understood. And Imasiku hasn't even had BodyTalk, he's just watched John's lecture on DVD. Anyway, lots of love to everyone tonight. Gosea booti.

BodyTalk in the Pediatric Ward

Yesterday I received the most exciting news after ballet class! Yannika approached me and told me that I could "follow Yolanda around" the following morning at the Pediatric Ward. I didn’t know what this would involve, but I was excited to see what would come of it, and to see the inner workings of a rural hospital. Excited to do something!

As a side note, I have three of the most powerful women in Macha in my ballet class (including the notorious Dr. Yannika, who I actually really like when we’re not discussing complimentary healthcare). There are also many men, from the age of 16 to a grandfather who wears yellow lense sunglasses and his shirt unbuttoned to his navel. He’s pretty cool actually. He’s a father of eight. Just one wife I think. Some here have two or three! One day he was referencing some world history and he said, "You have to know what’s going on in the world, even if you’ll never see it." I started crying, and then started laughing because I was so embarrassed to be crying. He will never see the world, and it made me sad, but it made me happy that he cared so much about it, and that he valued knowledge and understanding. The first thing he asked me when we met was, "How are the fires there?" He knew that Southern California was burning? How? Why? It was cool. So anyway, ballet on Monday was good. I’m trying to get the kids ready for a recital on Thursday, and I teach my last adult ballet class on Wednesday. I wish you could see it! They’re so cute. I haven’t taken any pictures, because I’m working so hard to keep the class flowing, but maybe tomorrow I’ll get Kevin to take a few. It’s also very dark in the community center where we hold the class.

So that was Monday, but today was amazing. I woke up and did the dishes out at the boar hole before the day got too hot, and put on my shetenge and a shirt with sleeves, even though I knew it would be terribly hot. Where are the rains?!? It’s been raining in Lusaka, but not here. The farmers have stopped planting til the rains come again. Maybe I should get out and do a rain dance. Then I swung by the restaurant to buy a muffin for 1500 kwatcha when I bumped into Fred. You can’t go anywhere without bumping into someone. I’ve been talking to Fred about BodyTalk for a week now, and he finally had time for a session for his stomach ulcers. So I did my first BodyTalk session on a Zambian! He’s the one who owns the radio station, and hopes to be a future president of Zambia. So that was fun. Then I hurried off to the hospital and found someone at reception to take me to the pediatric ward. I found Yolanda right away and she took me on a tour of the ward, showing me every baby and telling me why they were there. Several of the babies were in pain, and I showed her ways of touching them that would calm them and relieve some of their pain. Basically BodyTalk without the tapping, and techniques from my compassionate touch training with Heart Touch. After the tour I just started making the rounds; doing BodyTalk Access without the physical tapping (just doing it mentally), until I realized no one was monitoring me, and I could do anything I wanted. Even the nurses didn’t blink at me wandering in and out of their office to wash my hands. So different than the States. It was an amazing experience. I don’t even know how to begin to write about it. The first boy I worked with had just come from surgery on his leg. A cart pulled by oxen had fallen on his leg and the infection had spread down to the bone. He was screaming and squirming just out of surgery, and I started doing Fast Aid immediately. It’s a series of techniques where you balance the brain, link the brain to the injured area, balance the brain again, and then balance the reciprocal to the area. All of this helps to restore the Mind to the area to speed up healing. The boy calmed down immediately, and I did Access on him. As soon as we finished reciprocals, he had to use the bathroom, which is common I find, and when he returned I did Cortices a few more times and he fell asleep. His father was there and I showed him how he could touch his head to help calm him. His father was the only parent of a patient that spoke English. And the only father, come to think of it. Mostly mothers, and mostly babies. His son was about 6, I think. Then I worked on a boy who was crying and fussing and I calmed him down with Fast Aid to his injured arm and some Access. I picked him up and put him in a bed, because he was lying on the floor with his mother. Imagine. I loved carrying his warm body into bed. I wish I could have taken pictures to show you. If only you could look into my mind. They’ll live there forever. I got him calmed down and I was able to communicate to the mother that she needed to bathe him. She did shortly after, to my surprise. I washed my hands and moved on to an orphan from another village. This baby came in sick, and had an infection on his lips and they were all bloody. I did some Access, Fast Aid, and compassionate touch on him. The BodyTalk and touch really, calmed him down. He was one of my favorites.

None of the babies fought me at first, and if there was a parent or guardian, they didn’t question me either. I guess, if you’re white, you can do whatever you want. They assume you're a doctor or nurse! I worked with many other little babies there, some more briefly than others. Some were sleeping peacefully, and I didn’t want to wake them by touching them.

Then I moved into the section of the Pediatric Ward where they keep babies with HIV. There was a little baby girl who was breathing really short and was in pain. Her hands were wrapped with clothe so she wouldn’t pull the IV in her nose out. When I was with Yolanda, she was the third baby I worked with. She had looked right up at me and looked me dead in the eyes. None of the others had done this. Her short breathing stopped for a minute and she seemed to improve, but then returned to the short breathing, Her mother was lying there beside her. Both the baby and the mother were very beautiful. I went to this baby first when I entered the room because I sensed she had the greatest need. However when I approached her later in the afternoon, she pushed my hand away with her wrapped hand. I went to touch her again and she wouldn’t let me. She was staring me in the eyes. I finally listened inside and realized that she was telling me "no". I didn’t know why. But I had to respect that and I washed my hands and moved on.

I worked with many children who were malnourished, dehydrated, and lacking protein, and therefore had these little sores on their skin. Many were small for their age, and their skin hung off their arms like clothes that were two sizes too big. Some children willingly let me work with them, and others pushed me away. Some slept through, and others woke up and said, "no". I was surprised, but interested by this response. One room was full of mothers feeding their babies nshima and rape as I made my rounds. The women were interested in what I was doing, but they didn’t speak English. After I worked on one baby, one woman would mimic what I was doing, and point towards another baby to get me to work on that one. The last boy I worked on was another double orphan, who was about to be discharged after coming in with TB. He had a big swollen belly, and the grandmother was the first to ask me for some food. I had finished my rounds then, and I had to leave to get food, so I told her I’d be back with something. I made it back to the other side of the village just in time to catch Kevin finishing his creative writing class, and we ordered some lunch. It’s the only way to get meat since they don’t sell it at the market. You have to raise your own animals, or travel an hour to Choma. Kevin told me at lunch that our alcoholic neighbor had been by that day to tell Kevin that Florence’s sister had died, and he hinted he didn’t have any money to send the sister's body back to her family in Mapanza. Florence was my friend, and I'm sad for her loss. After eating lunch and setting aside some chicken and rice for the boy, I went back to the ward. I found the boy, and it was so fun to give him the food. Then I went to check on the babies I had worked on that morning. The boy post-surgery was still sleeping, and the baby with the mouth infection was doing better. The boy with the injured arm was sitting up, totally aware and looking at me. It was amazing to see. I never made it to the other side of the ward, because I passed a woman sitting on the ground next to a crib with a tiny, tiny baby in it. She was crying, and I asked, "What happened" and she said, "My mother died" and burst into tears. It was the first time all day that I cried and I gave her a long hug. She said, "How will I care for this baby?" Imagine having nothing, and having a new baby, and no milk in your breasts to feed it. Though once she gets home, her village will traditionally help her care for it. I realized a few minutes into it, that it was not her mother who had died, it was the newborn baby’s mother. I looked at the paperwork she had and saw that the mother was severely anemic and had hemorrhaged after delivering, and died three days later. This woman was the sister to the father, who now had to care for the baby. I watched the baby while she went to get something, and when she returned I gave her some money. Suddenly there was screaming down the hall and I passed a room with a mother screaming and whaling and lying over her child. Another woman was standing there with her hands over the baby's eyes. I assumed the baby had died, but I didn't know who it was. Minutes later, Yolanda arrived back and we figured out which baby it was. It was the first baby to tell me "no". I think she was ready to die.

On my way out the door a sick woman had just arrived at the hospital, and I helped the men load her onto a cart from the back of a pick up truck. She was wrapped in shetenges, wimpering, covered in sweat with her breasts hanging out. Again, there is something about carrying a warm, sick body that is like nothing else. I wonder if I could hold them a little longer, if I could make them better. Then I went home to wash my hands and take a nap. Can’t get the smell of the ward off though.

Tonight we had a really nice pasta dinner at Karen’s house. She just got back from Lusaka, so she had cheese at her house! I gave Sandra a BodyTalk session after dinner. Two Zambians in one day. Oh and I did my second BodyTalk session on the village of Matcha this afternoon. For the BodyTalkers, it was permission for the heart to be balanced, linked to It is Safe to Receive love. First session was a permission to be healthy linked to Cell Repair on HIV medication (very toxic). Oh and I also found out that I have two massage clients here in Macha that I’ve got to schedule in over the next two days! Well goodnight friends. Wish I were home, but glad to be here all at the same time. See you soon!

The Weekend

Had an appointment first thing Saturday morning with Dr. Vanstam. Before I left for her home, I did some BodyTalk on myself, got centered, and asked for what I wanted; asked for the right words to say. Felt very good about everything I said at the meeting. Another doctor from Holland was there, Yolanda, and I spent 15 minutes explaining to them both over coffee how BodyTalk works, how I found BodyTalk and what I thought BodyTalk Access could do in Macha. Dr. Yanika Vanstam has been in Macha the longest, because she lives here, as suppose to other doctors who travel here for months or weeks at a time. She's in charge of what goes on healthcare wise (second only to the Christian Mission who runs this town. Definitely no separation between church and state here), so I was advised to have this meeting with her. I was not disappointed when she would not allow me to teach the class. I guess I was surrendered to whatever the outcome was going to be. Ready to teach, and also ready to give up the fight. I couldn't try any harder. She said what they practice in the hospital is based on 'science', and that she was too concerned that if she empowered people with healthcare techniques, it would be one more thing to postpone them coming to the hospital to seek care. She said there were already too many who stayed home and tried superstitious methods, or visited the traditional healer, and by the time they got to the hospital it was too late to receive any life saving treatment. I told her there was ignorance like this everywhere, and it was no reason not to give people techniques to improve their own health. Techniques that would prevent trips to the hospital, and techniques that would speed up the time spent in the hospital. We could stress that these are preventative techniques, and that medical care is still always necessary when symptoms arise. She still said no. Then I offered to teach the techniques as simply stress reducing techniques, with an emphasis on seeking healthcare from a medical professional at the first sight of a symptom. She still said no. Then I offered to teach them just in the schools to balance the brain, and reduce stress levels so that children could function better in school. Had already given her the example of the study done at the school in Chicago, but still she said no. Then a few other Dutch med students showed up and joined the conversation. I asked a lot of questions about the hospital, the nurses, why they weren't training the nurses in any complimentary care, the maternity ward, and many other things about the culture, healthcare and childbirth here. I felt they at least knew that I knew what I was talking about and I felt respected. I asked Yanika permission to volunteer at the hospital during my last week in Macha, and she's going to speak with someone on Monday. She's also going to put me in touch with the physiotherapist here, whom I completely forgot about. I did get to spend a lot of time discussing why complimentary healthcare was so beneficial in the hospital and birthing room. Discussed studies done on having a presence, an observer in the room, to calm the patient and make them feel safe and allow for the parasympathetic nervous system to do it's job in healing, birthing, digesting and strengthening the immune system. It felt very clear to me that these women had no idea what I was talking about, and that they don't understand human need and true healing, only diseases and how to take them out temporarily with medication and surgery. (Don't get me wrong, I am very grateful for the life saving benefits of allopathic medicine.) But while I was sitting there, I thought, I have to love these women, and I think I did the best I could. I'd be honored to serve in the hospital next week. And maybe if someone asks what I'm doing, I can pass the knowledge off to them. Not BodyTalk, just THE knowledge. Such special knowledge it is; to really SEE a human being and help relieve their suffering and fear, and meet their needs on all levels. Help them to live, or to die.

I spent the afternoon watching a movie and crying. I had woken up especially early that morning because I allowed the wife of a neighbor, Florence, to stay the night. Her brother and mother were in town, because her sister had been sent here to the hospital with a severly compromised immune system, and was about to die. The mother stays at the hospital by her sister's side to hold the IV in so the sister doesn't pull it out. She won't eat and wants to die. Florence pulled a mattress in and slept on the floor. It was nice to talk with her and get to know her. She got up early to bring food to the hospital. The hospital doesn't feed people here, and the nurses barely bathe or care for the patients. It's up to the family. The nurses like to chat more than work. They are just nurses because there's nothing else to be. I woke up before Florence on Saturday morning, because I was having some very upsetting dreams. I've been having them all week. So after Florence left I spent an hour doing some writing and sorting through things. Haven't had the dreams since. And interestingly, since I sorted it out, the swelling has completely disappeared from my face. It's all related. It always is. Was talking with a woman tonight, because I'm now having new recurring dreams, and her theory is that I'm so far away from everything now, I'm able to really analyze my life from a distance. That resonated deeply. Of course, you have to get outside of something to really see it. I knew I'd take a good, hard look at myself here, but I didn't realize I'd look at such specific things from the past. Thought it would be more general, I guess.

When the day started to cool down a bit I went berry picking. Picked up some boys from Macha on the way. The nurse, Karen who they follow around normally, is in Lusaka, so they had no one to follow around til they found me. They were hysterical. You'll see pictures of them. They climbed the trees and helped me a lot, so I paid them some kwatcha. Had to ditch my shetenge for shorts, because I was soooo hot. It's suppose to rain again, so a brief heat wave rolled in. Can't wait for the rain!!! Went for dinner at the Peno's house that night. It was fun. Felt more accepted and connected and just had fun. I've been talking to this woman Sandra, who's a Zambian and a biologist at the Malaria Research Center in Matcha. She's interested in BodyTalk, so I'll probably swing by her place this week to help her with her allergies, and show her this article on the Amygdala, and how allergies really work. The craziest thing happened as we were leaving. Sue (a teacher, neurologist, missionary, very bright woman), mentioned that a woman in town, Mrs. Ester, who I know of because I almost stayed with her, had taken her daughter to the hospital three times this month because she kept passing out. The hospital couldn't figure out what was wrong with her. I said, "I'll work with her.", and Sue said, "Oh that'd be great! Lauren should work with her." I almost fell over. Huh? This woman looked through my BodyTalk stuff the other day and didn't say a word. Now she's endorsing me? Anything goes. So I'll let you know what happens.

Today we woke up early to travel to Mapanza, a village about 20 km away, to attend church with the pastor and his entourage. The singing at the services here is nothing short of intoxicating. The voices and the rhythms and the richness of it is so intense and beautiful. Kevin and I stood around a lot in the heat. We didn't know what was happening the whole day. We were just along for the ride. I've decided there's nothing I dislike more than sitting around in people's hot, cramped living rooms!! I'd rather sit outside, and I usually sneak out at the risk of being rude and anti social. I just can't do it. It's so uncomfortable. I love air conditioning. We followed the entourage over to someone's home, and they fed us, of course, chicken and n'shima. It's interesting. It's really all they eat. There's no variety here. I guess that's how life has always been in areas with limited resources, and no trading with faraway places. You lived in China you ate rice, Ireland you ate potatoes, Zambia you ate n'shima. We had to wait around while they had a meeting, and I was once again anti social, and took a nap on my shetenge under a tree. (They never tire of each other, and never tire of singing. Sometimes you need a break) After walking for an hour just to get cookies at a store open on Sunday I arrived home to some sad news. The neighbor I've been getting to know came over crying, telling me that her husband is drinking away all their money, and that whenever she asks him to save some to buy things for the house, her husband yells, "You don't sweat for it" and he hits her. She doesn't have any family in Macha, and has only been here six months, and I'm the only one she knows. Life is so bizarre. What are we doing here anyway? I'd really like to know. What are all these relationships about, and the failures and successes, the suffering, and the personal growth. What does it all lead to? Who are we anyway?

On a lighter note, there are two geckos that regularly frequent my window and are eating all of the mosquitoes! Now if they could just eat the Jave the Hut bug, the pencil bug, the round bug with fangs, the poisonous spider/scorpion, the ants with wings, the small bugs that fit through the holes in my net and the wasp who's building a nest in my room, then I'd be set. I'll never complain about ants again. Okay, maybe I will.

Link to Pictures!

Photobucket Album

Always have a Plan B

Woke up this morning and took a bath in my bedroom. Where else? Better in here than outside. The water evaporates quickly from the floor. I'm cutting my fingernails now. I was doing a lymph drainage technique on my face last night, when my finger slipped and sliced open my face. Another face wound!! Looks like a got into a fight with a cheetah. Which reminds me, I'm SO excited to see Victoria Falls next week!! I went to the market in search of clippers, but all they have are razor blades. So I hesitated, thinking, "With my track record so far, this could be a very bad idea", but I bought one anyway for 500 kwacha. I was nervous at first, but I did it!! I feel very adaptable and rugged. At least I remembered a nail file so I don't stab anyone at ballet. Went to do dishes this morning and there's still no water!!! They ran out of water last night as well. There was some this morning, but I think everyone used it right away, and now it's gone again. So no washing up. We have drinking water in bottles that we get from the doctor and teacher's homes across the village, but we use the boar hole water for dishes and clothes. It's pretty brown most of the time, but my standards have definitely been lowered, and it doesn't bother me. But I wonder, what is everyone else drinking? They all drink from the boar holes. I hope there is another one nearby.

Then I went to teach ballet to the children, but two men were working on the ceiling of the community center. The classroom is too small for ballet, so we turned to Plan B. Had to teach outside. Class was 15 minutes instead of 30 because the ground got so hot my feet started burning. But the children loved it, and it's fun to hear them laugh during the jumps, and it's wonderful to see them practicing and playing with the new movement after school when they don't know I'm watching. My adult ballet class is growing and I had a handful of men last time, including Kevin, who's a very good sport. He's a great friend to me. Looking forward to the next class today at 17 hours (5 o' clock) and to the classes next week.

Feel almost at home here today. Went to the market for the second time on my own and ran into friends and people I'm getting to know. Bought a shetenge (a long piece of fabric that you wrap around like a skirt, or use as a blanket or a towel, or wrap a baby in) yesterday, and I've been wearing it around the village. I found out last night that I'm in one of the three most conservative villages in Zambia. If a woman here were to wear slacks to church, instead of a shetenge or dress, she would be talked about and put down by the women in the village. The African women hold other African women to higher standards than white women, of course. And where you MUST cover your thighs at all times in Macha, it is not the same in other Zambian villages. I've learned so much about the culture, it astounds me. I had a long chat after breakfast yesterday with a man from Macha named Fred. He has an amazing story, and he is very ambitious, and some say he will one day be President of Zambia. His Excellency Fred. I believe it. He started the radio station in Macha and he gave me a tour. He talked to me for hours about the culture here; dating, marriage, sex, music, dancing, poverty, his dreams for Zambia, and what he'd like to do as leader. It was really cool. He also told me he suffered from stomach ulcers. I bumped into him this morning (imagine just bumping into people everywhere, it's insane) and I offered to give him a BodyTalk session tonight to get to the root of his ulcers so they don't ever return. He agreed and said, "Maybe this is the reason you have come to Macha!" and laughed. Oh I hope he's right.

A Change of Heart

Just finished watching the most gorgeous African sunset! The flying termites crawling out of the ground, like they do only a few times a year, and floating up into the sky like balloons, as the sun fell off the horizon. There is so much beauty here. The endless sky, the mango trees, the women with baskets on their heads and babies tied to their backs, smiles of perfectly straight teeth, the Zambian faces, and the smell of the air as the sun rises and sets. I made a soup tonight with the only food at the market besides the small dried fish. Greens, potatoes, tomato and onion. Besides the traditional meal of N'Shima and chicken, we eat bread, more bread, eggs, more eggs, and green apples. Oh and the occasional orange. I can't wait to have pasta, pizza, and a tuna fish sandwich when I get home. But it feels good to eat the local food, and what I couldn't eat I brought over to the "camp" outside the hospital where family members camp outside for days while they wait for their loved ones to get released from the hospital. Many walk here with broken legs and all sorts of ailments for miles they tell me.

I had to look at some things today. Received an email from a mentor of mine that had read my blog. She reminded me that I was being judgemental and critical of the the doctors and teacher/missionaries and that what I needed to do was extend to them love and compassion. She reminded me that they were just coming from a place of fear. She is right. And when I stopped in my tracks and tried to picture sending out love and acceptance and compassion to the people of Macha, I stopped abrubtly when I saw the doctor's faces. Why is it so hard for me to love them? So I'm continuing to try to work on this. I know I must do it. Try to love the very people I feel the most rejected by, and the most intolerant of. It hurts in my heart.

I was also encouraged to adopt the affirmation, "My presence is enough". This feels right to me. There's so much pressure from the world to set high goals, and so much pressure to achieve them. Can't I just be?!?! Is not just being here enough? Participating in the bigger plan and not getting caught up in the day to day achievements that are quickly forgotten anyway. But I want those day to day achievements, and I want to accomplish what I set out to do. I want to feel like it's my accomplishment. It's so ungratifying to think, "Oh fantastic. Today I accomplished everything I was suppose to for the greater good of the planet, and I don't know what any of it is, because it's nothing I planned or thought up." But I suppose that's how it's suppose to be, if you remember that nothing is really yours to take credit for anyway.

So I'm in bed now. All sorts of new bugs joining me tonight. I guess I will surrender to their presence. There are many strange creatures here after the rains. Kevin and I stopped in our tracks all day to stare at them. I guess that's what happens when a region only gets one short rainy season a year. Because the rain came, and this is a rural village, everyone is busy planting and preparing the fields, though they need more rain for the seeds to survive. The N'Swa (aka flying termites) came last night by the thousands and invaded Macha. I couldnt' believe my eyes. The plague!!! The bugs beat so hard against the windows that it sounded like rain. They make their way under doors and between window panes to get in the house toward the light. The locals gathered them this morning, took their wings off and fried them up. I was offered some, but I passed. I know, I'm so unadventurous. Tomorrow I will teach ballet at 12 and 5, and talk to people about BodyTalk, even though I hate to. Why can't it be easier? Why can't it be the way I picture it in my head? I don't know. But I believe in it more than most people believe in anything, and it's helped me and my clients too much to just keep it to myself. Wish me luck!

A Walk in the Dark

The wind and rain roar together like the ocean. It is raining in Macha. The sewage has risen up from the ground and joined the red brown mud outside my door. Spiders and mosquitoes have taken shelter in my room for the night and I am tucked into my net hoping they will leave me in peace tonight. What a night it was. I don’t think I can ever describe it. It was like going back in time, or to another planet or playing a make believe game with grown ups. Invited to dinner at the pastor’s house, we headed across the village to pick up Karen and begin the long walk. It started raining as we left for her house, but there was still a blue patch in the sky. It rained lightly on the way over and upon arrival we found ourselves in a dark house where you could not see the faces of those across from you. There was no electricity or running water, but it was still a nice house for Macha, with concrete floors and a tin roof. It was still under construction and had no bathroom. It’s amazing to me that my body has just accepted that I get to decide when we go to the bathroom, and that usually means just once a day. I sometimes pee every 20 minutes at home! Some days I think I could probably wait the whole day. I think this must partly be due to the afternoon heat and the dryness and my body just took a day or two to get programed that we don’t waste water here, so no fair peeing any of it out! Anyway after a few minutes I met the two women preparing the food. They were from other parts of Zambia, but they were here working with the school and the church. They were preparing a traditional Zambian meal for us! I’ve included a picture, but try and picture it without it. One woman squatting and dicing tomatoes and green onion in her hand without a cutting board and the other woman is on the floor, stirring a pot N’shima, the national dish of corn meal that I think tastes similar to instant mash potatoes. They prepare it by boiling water and adding handfuls of meal while stirring it until it is thick. The cat is at her feet just inches from the food which is propped up on two buckets of burning coals. A boy enters the dark kitchen, lit by only a single candle and the occasional jolt of lightening in the sky, with a chicken in a bucket. They comment in Bemba, their native tongue on his tardiness. He’s pulling the feathers out while one is boiling water and the other is washing dishes with her fingers in a plastic bucket with cold water and no soap. Within minutes we discover there are ants invading the kitchen and biting at our legs. We reposition, and every time I think I’m in the way, they say, "No Lauren, sweet Lauren, sit down and talk to us." After watching them pulling the last of the feathers off the chicken, cutting the limbs away from the liver and the intestines and tossing everything including the chicken feet into the pot, they asked, "Is this the first time you’ve prepared a chicken?" I must have been staring without blinking or talking, making it pretty obvious I was new at this, so I responded with a yes. But I was also thinking. "That’s not so bad. I could do that". The whole scenario was completely unreal. When she poured oil in the skillet she realized there were ants in it and she stood up to pour it out. But there was a lot of oil in the pan and she couldn’t waste it so she said, "Well, you know they say eating ants is good for digestion" I did not know that, but I’ll take their word for it. That was probably the weirdest part for me. That and the fact that they were touching pretty much everything in the kitchen with the hands that had just touched the raw chicken. Maybe we’re overly cautious in the States. Well I helped with some chopping, and with the N’Shima after that, and let me tell you, broke a sweat after 4 minutes of stirring over the fire. They were all impressed with my N’Shima. I asked one of the women if she liked cooking and she said a quick no. She has cooked every day since she was a young girl. They don’t have leftovers here. Dinner was served soon after to 10 of us, including two boys that live at the pastors house and work for him. I had one bite of the ant dish, but couldn’t continue. I watched her fry those ants, and I just couldn’t do it. But the N’Shima and the diced rape and the chicken and sauce were delicious, and it felt wonderful to eat with my hands by candlelight. Afterwards we had tea and bread and made our way into the pitch black pouring rain. Karen was the only one with a small light and we used it to walk through the road filled with rocks and ponds. I laughed deliriously and couldn’t believe the situation. It was simply pouring. Try to imagine a darkness so dark it looks like a black curtain and you don’t know left from right, up from down. There was some light from the streetlamps in the medical complex, but the electricity went out while we were walking before that could be much help. The lightning was cracking over us and ahead of us, and at one point it lit up the sky for several seconds like it was daytime. Kevin and I were wearing flip flops, and I had a poncho and a tight grip on Kevin’s arm, but it wasn’t enough to keep me from tripping over a rock and running into a tree. We’ll see what it looks like in the morning, but it feels like I have a scar the size of the Zambezi river down my face, and once again, I wonder if maybe I should of gotten married before I headed off to be scarred and deformed by the African countryside. Well I’m in bed now. Covered head to toe in bug repellant, and I made extra care to tuck in and check three times over that my net is tucked in so the bugs stay out. Goodnight!

Bed and Breakfast

I’m running one. Here at the Arc in the rural village of Macha in the Southern Province of Zambia, in south central Africa. Bugs of all shapes and sizes stay the night and dine on, well, me. I woke up this morning with the self appointed nickname Hunch Face. I remember itching my face in the middle of the night, right between my eyebrows and to the top of my right eyebrow. I woke up around 10am and looked in the mirror because my face felt weird. An intense panic overwhelmed me as I took in the apricot size lump on my face. I assumed it was an insect who had either buried itself under my skin and was laying eggs as we speak, or it was a different insect who’s poison would enter my nervous system in the next few hours and leave me either paralyzed or dead. After looking at it repeatedly, not sure if it was real or not, I sat down to start doing some BodyTalk. The swelling was creeping down my face so quickly I dashed off to Kevin’s room to let him know what had happened before the poison rendered my face muscles useless. I made him hold my swollen face and send his heart energy into his hand and I made him picture with me the poison draining down out of my face and into my lymph system. Then I did BodyTalk Access and then it was the priority to repeat several reciprocals one at a time, which, if you do BodyTalk, were several of the Head to Body Reciprocals, and they hurt while I was tapping them out. Especially Vomer to Xiphoid and Zygoma to Pubic Crest. Still in a state of minor panic, thinking that blood was swelling out of my brain and I’d probably be dead within a few hours, I turned on the computer to write Karen and Laura and ask them for some BodyTalk. I felt a little better after the BodyTalk I did on myself, and the knowledge that Karen and Laura would most definitely come through for me, and so Kevin and I went and had coffee and a muffin at the one restaurant in our village. It was a warm morning and it was hard to think about anything other than how much my face hurt, and what my life would be like if the lump never went away, and I had to live the rest of my life like this. Mornings can also be uncomfortable, because you have to wait to use the bathroom till you go to visit someone with plumbing. Combine that with feeling hot and you’re fairly uncomfortable. From there we went to see Dr. Vanstam to ask her if I had been bitten by a deadly bug she might have recognized. She said there were many bugs in Macha that could have bitten me, but none deadly. Relief at last!! With those words of comfort, I put on some shorts and stepped outside to find the rain clouds had covered the sun. Hooray!! I returned to my room to enjoy the cool air, the knowledge I wasn’t dying and a fantastic Safari book lent by a neighbor. I still look like the Hunchback from Notre Dame, but I feel more faith that I won’t look this way forever.

Day 5- The Rains are Coming!!

I cannot wait! There have been clouds covering the sky all morning. Last night was hot! But the wind arrived this morning around 7-8am and I felt like a new person. It is beautiful and cool out. It's so much easier to be happy when it's cool out. I taught my first ballet class this morning to the children at the school, and another one for adults at 5pm. Now we hear it's raining in Lusaka. They say when the first rain comes that these flying ants rain down from the sky like the plague. The locals get time off work that day to collect the bugs, and fry them and eat them! I'm not sure if I really want to be around for this, but it may happen any day now. Took my first shower today since Lusaka! Tired now and ready for bed. Just living here is exhausting. But very special somehow.

Recap Days 2-4

Day 2- Getting up was very hard. Feels like a hangover times ten. Woke up in the middle of the night with hives on my knees, and I did some Access and BodyTalk. (Already Africa is bringing stuff to the surface!) Itching stopped and I was able to resume sleeping. Woke up at dawn to the birds singing away, all their chirping overlapping in a chaotic melody with no pauses or decrescendos . Similar to the many voices and rhythms of Africa that all blend together in an incredible chorus of sound and volume that pierces your heart. Packed, ate breakfast and went straight to the airport to board a six seater plane for the village of Macha. Had to quickly overcome my fear of small planes. I realized I had succeeded, when we landed on the bumpy dirt runway in one piece and I thought, "that was kind of fun". Rode in the back of a truck from the airstrip to the village and had coffee and cookies with the Vanstams, a Dutch family that lives and works here. Kevin took me on a hot walk thru the village to where Mrs. Ester lives to arrange a place to stay, but her place was full. Try to picture a series of mud huts, an outdoor fire pit cooking area, chickens running around and locals sitting and staring under the shade. It was so hot!!! And I was wearing jeans, hiking boots and a backpack, biting my tongue, refusing to complain my first day. Then the day took a more unusual turn as we boarded an old bus to ride out to a school an hour away named Bruce Miller. The children started singing the moment the bus got moving. Everything from The Wheels on the Bus go Round and Round, and songs in their native Tonga, to Go Tell it on the Mountain. Then the bus broke down, to which I thought, "how splendid and authentically Africa" and I proceeded to teach a ballet class on the side of the dirt road while the bus driver tracked down some soap to repair the bus. (now I really know I understand absolutely nothing about machinery). The fumes from the bus were horrible and we were all sitting in the bus while they fixed it until the children started getting out of the bus to use the bathroom. I could tell the birthday girl Merel (pronounced like my sister's name, oddly enough) was starting to worry we wouldn't make it to the party, so I distracted them with ballet class for a good half an hour. They were really good! Especially this orphan named Christopher, who's 12, but still very small. He's in school now, but did nothing but herd a few donkeys for the last 7 years when the school wouldn't admit him because he was "unteachable". It really was fun. There were 15 African children and one Dutch girl and about 11 adults including Kevin and I. The bus roared to life and the children screamed with excitement and paraded back to the bus. The ride was so bumpy and similar to a ride at 6 Flags, but with no seat belts. Bruce Miller was like a dream. GRASS! (I simply LOVE grass now), sweets, coffee, a cool breeze, fireworks and games. The children went on horse rides and played outside and threw beanbags at cabbages sitting on top of 4 foot posts. It was a school fundraiser, I discovered, run by South Africans. We got home very late and found a place for me to stay at a building called the Arc. The first night was very difficult despite the fun we had at Bruce Miller. I felt strange, and hot, and uncomfortable, and a little depressed. I was unable to connect with any of the adults, who were mostly doctors that night, and when I briefly mentioned what I did for work, they all looked at me like I had two heads and then never spoke to me again about it, or anything else really. It also felt difficult to come up with things to say. Maybe my mind was just too overwhelmed to come up with thoughts. My room was hot and stuffy, up in a loft and crawling with mosquitoes that night. But it did have Internet! Little did I know the horrible turn things would take the next day.

Day 3- Woke up with three mosquitoes in my net and lots of bites. (Discovered a giant hole at the top of the net later that day) I was hot and couldn't find Kevin and felt miserable and trapped. Saw no way to make anything happen and no way to get my needs met. Had no toilet paper, didn't know where to go to get water or bathe or cool down. The moment I stepped outside my door there were people everywhere watching me, and with no idea where to begin I just sat down on the step and waited. Found Kevin and got dressed. It's so hard to explain what I felt, but I pretty much had a mental breakdown that day and cried to Kevin at breakfast. I told him I couldn't live climbing in and out of a hot loft with no net, no area to wash my face, no access to water, no toilet, no toilet paper and no purpose for my visit, and no friendliness or greeting from anyone. He listened and apologized and told me he would fix things. We went back to his room which was cooler and I took a nap. Woke up too hot. Took a walk to find shade and picked berries from a tree. Tasted a bit like blackberries. Really nice. Every time we stepped outside of the shade into the sun it just hurt. Can't describe the despair I felt. How can I deal with this heat? You can't get anything done in that weather, except sit around and try not to die. Found out the next day, they were having an unusual 104 degree heat wave. Maybe not so unusual, because a week of intense heat comes right before the first rain of the season. Went to Karen's house, a Canadian nurse. She had a wonderful home, and whenever you're in a home, you use the opportunity to fill up all your water bottles and use the bathroom. We left her home to get to the market before it closed. Bumped into a boy named Ryan, who would later introduce us to the traditional healer in the next village. From there we bumped into Lydia, owner of the Arc, who found the key for the downstairs room with a window and a working net. It's amazing how you just run into people here when you need them here. We had dinner at a missionary teacher's house with another set of missionary teachers and Karen the nurse. We had pizza and apple pie and used the opportunity to fill up on water and use the bathroom. They had a nice home too, and I felt so frustrated that it seemed like everyone had a toilet and somewhere to bathe and I was dirty and unshowered and scattered. But the evenings are cool and just wonderful after the hot days. Kevin saved the day with this incredible apple pie he threw together. But once again, I felt like the missionaries, like the doctors, treated me so strange. Like I was less of a person than them; like I was treading on their turf; like they were superior to me. Maybe it was just the difficult transition and my weariness and unshowered, uncentered self. But it didn't feel good what I felt, and the day was absolutely disheartening. That is why I could not write. I was too afraid to admit how defeated I felt. And even though I knew it was only my 3rd day, I felt like I would never be respected or wanted or accepted or appreciated. I felt like a nuisance, and I felt worthless and I wanted to go home. I longed for Air conditioning and joy and ease and clean toilets, and bug free rooms and comfort.

Day 4- Just had the most amazing day. Don't know if I can communicate it well. Woke up and walked to church. Probably a mile away. The church wasn't as hot as I thought it would be. The walls were dark and the wind blew that day through the windows. The music was lovely, as were the people. It was pentecostal and the message was, well, interesting. It was interesting to hear how the message related to things more prominent in their culture. Like death, being an orphan, and solving problems for others. We went home and had coffee and breakfast. Worked on the computer a bit. Again, just trying to stay still, wear as little as possible and go anywhere that's cool. (this changes as the sun moves and warms up different areas of town) I think I accepted at some point during the day that I wasn't going to enjoy myself or accomplish anything I wanted to here, but that I would at least experience true misery (though this is not new to me either) and potentially be a much more grateful person. Also acknowledged that God had sent me here, and maybe if for nothing else, to show me what a naive fool I was and how I needed to go home and get a job at a desk because I was incapable of making anything happen, and no one cared what I had to say, and I was probably wrong about everything anyway, so I'd go home in shame and not call anyone and get a job and stop dreaming about things, because dreams only make you realize how difficult and ungenerous life is and incapable a person you are and how ridiculous it all is. So that's where I was when Ryan and Michael and Nixon came over. It's amazing how plans come together here. The many people that have cell phones make things possible, and the lack of any real concrete plans enable everyone to just kind of show up for whatever's going on. They took Kevin and I to the traditional healer in the next village (this too was a walk in the heat, but more bearable with companionship and the occasional cloud that would cover the sun.) Interviewing the healer was SOOO interesting. I'll write up on it separately. Ryan translated Tonga to English, and who knows if we got any of the information correct, but it felt like learning, and that felt good. Then we went to the market to get stuff for dinner, but it being Sunday, all that was open was a stand with potatoes, dried small fish called Kapenta (eww), eggs, green apples, old bread and dried soy. awesome. We bought some soy and were heading home when we ran into the pastor. Kevin hadn't been able to introduce me that morning because the pastor stayed after church, but the pastor had walked all the way across town in a suit, in the heat! to invite us to dinner at his house. Unreal. Well we never made it to his house because we stopped at two other homes as errands, but the way things work here you end up being invited in and given water or a snack and chatting for awhile. It had been such a hot day that both families were sitting in their screened in outdoor areas with the lights off. It was nice chatting with both couples and I finally felt like I was starting to be myself again. This was nice. Though both families still seemed unusual, and warm, but not warm. Can't figure it out. Since it was too dark and late to cook, Kevin, the pastor and I walked back to our place and made tea to drink outside at a local restaurant that was closed on Sunday. We had a lovely time. But the best part of the day was on the way to make tea, we stopped at a nearby fellowship that was 20 minutes away from finishing. I spoken to the pastor about BodyTalk Access on our earlier walk and he was very excited about it and took a brochure and borrowed the DVD. He said he hated medicine and hated getting injections and drinking bad tasting things. I told him I was so glad to meet him and agreed completely. So then you'll never guess what happened. We walk into the fellowship held at the nursing school and sit down for no more than 10 minutes while people are sharing and singing mostly, these songs that just make you smile and cry at the same time. What voices. I can't describe it. You'd have to experience the magic of it. Then the pastor gets up and personally introduces me to the room!!! Calls me up to tell the 40 of them about BodyTalk!! Well I had just had a glass of wine at the Vanstams house, and nothing to eat besides eggs and beans at noon, and two pieces of bread with cheese with the wine that night at 9pm, so I felt a little light headed, if you know what I mean. But I just walked right up and told them that I had felt called to visit Africa for many years and that I was so excited to be there and that I wanted to share what I do for a living with the people of Zambia in exchange for everything they had already shared with me. Told them there would be a free class that week that they could all attend to learn ways to improve the health of themselves and their families and their villages. Told them that this was how I believe God designed our bodies to be, and designed healing to be. He told us to lay our hands on one another and heal each other, and hinted at our incredible potential as human beings, over and over again. I hope I didn't speak to fast, but I spoke from my heart, and afterwards the pastor endorsed me again by saying to the crowd, "How many of you like going to the hospital? How many of you like injections? You must take this class." (why he said this, I don't know, I hadn't really told him much about BodyTalk at that point in the evening and definitely never mentioned injections!) But afterwards everyone came up and took a brochure from me and one man asked for the class to be scheduled that weekend in the evening so he could attend. So here we go!!! Will figure out the setting for the class tomorrow. I am so thrilled. Cannot describe it. Thank you, thank you, thank you God. Finally, some reason to be here.

Day 1 in Zambia

What a day. Zambia is so beautiful and the people are absolutely gorgeous. Everyone says hello to everyone, and when they smile at you, you'd think the whole sky lit up. Trees are blooming everywhere. It's spring here now. Smelling the air when I first got off the plane was so exciting. I wish you could smell it. It's fantastic; smoky, fragrant, warm and dry. I just love it. I'm in Africa!

I had a few scary moments today where I thought, "What the heck am I doing here, and when do I go home?!?" But I told myself it was just shock, and sure enough, it was. I've been doing BodyTalk on myself all day and drinking lots of water, and yes mom, taking my Juice Plus. I feel a lot better tonight. Kevin and I took a long walk through Lusaka, managed to get sunburned before 11am (how is this possible?!?), went for a swim in the pool (I'm in the Beverly Hills of Lusaka where the physicians and diplomats live), took a nap, watched Africa Magic and some intense Nigerian tv dramas (Wayne and Liz I totally thought of you watching these. You'd LOVE them. They're horrible, and SO entertaining. Just mesmerizing.), and had dinner at an African restaurant in town.

I leave for a rural village called Macha tomorrow, where I'll be staying thru Nov 18th. That is a long time without a shower!! We fly out tomorrow at 9:30am, and I hope to catch some of our flight into Macha on the videocamera. I thought we'd be leaving on the 3rd, but it turns out we have a birthday party to attend, and I'm scheduled to teach ballet at the community center. I'll be meeting with some of the physicians there, the traditional village doctor, a Dutch visionary, a physical therapist, and hopefully some influential personalities in the village who can help get an Access class going. It's all very exciting.

Kevin's dad, Robb, got a phone call today and I've been approved to begin volunteering in Lusaka when I return. I even get my own treatment room! I'll be volunteering at Chreso, an HIV/AIDS clinic in Lusaka, Zambia, providing 15 minutes of BodyTalk Access to the patients waiting to see the doctors there. Turns out the patients get there in the morning and sit around all day, so it should be a great opportunity to get BodyTalk out there and promote a free BodyTalk Access class the following morning. This news really turned my day around and got me excited. I really couldn't do anything here without Kevin and his dad. I'm going to try to set up the same scenario at the clinic in Macha. Will keep you posted on my progress!

Love to you all!

Lauren